3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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