let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
