Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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