question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
