my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
