I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
