roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
