Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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