gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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