We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
