we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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