Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
