I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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