the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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