dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
