I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
