plz talk dirty to me
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
