Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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