i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
