Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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