Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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