When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
