i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
