Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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