I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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