all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Alive.
So much puke
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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