I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This girl is more easily done than said...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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