I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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