Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
