God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
