I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
