Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
