three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
