it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
