Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
