just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
