FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
