Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
birth control should be required to get into college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
