so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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