Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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