put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
