Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
