You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
