sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
