I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
