My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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