who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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