so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
