i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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