so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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