508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
