How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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