I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
