the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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