is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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