I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
