Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
