there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
