it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
