you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
