Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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