I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
