It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
