Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
