Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
