I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
