Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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