I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
