My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
