Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
