I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
