Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
